This is a record of an interview with Liu O-wen, who sought purification at the Hsiang Kuang Buddhist Centre in Australia. She now resides in the Western Land of Nature. This account reflects upon her transition and her message to her family. Recorded by the chief writer, Shi Faxin, on August 13, 2022.
Liu O-wen speaks:
". Father, Mimi, O-wen—I am so deeply, profoundly sorry for the agony I have inflicted upon you all. I have caused you to suffer the unbearable pain of losing a loved one, and for that, I carry a weight of regret that is difficult to put into words. I also wish to offer my sincerest apologies to all our relatives and friends. I know that my actions have left you all in a state of shock and profound sadness. Please, I beg for your forgiveness.
Before I left the human world, my heart was in a state of absolute chaos. It was a tempest, a swirling vortex of confusion that I simply could not silence. My mind was a prison, constantly circling around my own dark thoughts. I began to believe that I was fundamentally flawed, and in my desperation, I saw no other way to escape the suffocating pressure that weighed upon my chest. I felt as though I could no longer breathe, and I foolishly believed that by harming myself and succumbing to my emotions, I could find a way out of that unbearable torment."
The Descent into the Dark Vortex
"For so long, I felt as though I were being led by some external, malevolent . I heard discordant, clamorous voices that drowned out my own thoughts, leaving me feeling utterly frantic and lost. It was only after I arrived at this holy place and underwent the process of purification that my heart finally began to settle. It was then, and only then, that I realised I had committed a grave error. That was never my true intention; I only wanted to vent the overwhelming emotions that were consuming me. I never imagined that those internal, intrusive voices—voices that did not belong to me—would drive me to such a tragic end.
In those final moments, I felt a surge of such intense, agonising pain. I was pulled into a suffocating, abyssal darkness, a vortex of despair where every inch of my being felt as though it were being torn apart. I was screaming for help, struggling with every ounce of my strength, but I was trapped. I could not find my way out. It was only when a brilliant, compassionate light called my name and reached out to guide me upward that I was finally able to escape that terrifying place."
A Message of Love and Release
"At first, I was still dizzy, and my heart was still trembling with the lingering fear of that darkness. But when I saw O-wen and O-hao here, the fear began to dissipate. I feel a sense of profound peace now, yet my heart aches when I see you all suffering because of my departure. I want to tell you, Father, please forgive me. Please forgive my selfishness and the worry I have caused you throughout my life.
Mimi, I am so sorry to you as well. I know that in the past, I made things difficult for you, and I realise now that I was in the wrong. I was simply too immature to understand. I truly wanted to be a filial and obedient daughter, but I failed to do so. O-wen, you are a mother to two children now. I know that you and O-jun will have a wonderful life, and I must entrust the care of Father and Mimi to you. Please, look after them for me."
Finding Peace at the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre
"To my uncle and aunt, I am so sorry for the trouble I have caused you as well. Thank you for your kindness in helping Father and Mimi, and for being there to support them during this time. I ask that everyone who cares for me can now let go of your grief. I am in a place of absolute peace, free from all suffering. If I could see that all of you who have been affected by my actions have found stability and peace, I would finally be at ease. Please, let go of the past; do not carry the weight of these events in your hearts any longer.
Father, Mimi, I have never experienced such profound peace and stability in my heart as I do now. I hope that, whether for my sake or for your own, you will come to visit this Centre. I truly hope that you, too, can experience this same serenity. I only want to see you all living well and happy. Once again, from the depths of my soul, I am so sorry. Namo Amituofo."
